ALL communications with the institute need to follow the following protocol due to legal, topological, and temporal reasons.
At 3 AM, visit the garden of the ghosts. There, sit down in the posture of a lotus, and let the pointlessness of life fill your every cell. With a tone of utter shame and remorse, call upon Prof. Dr. Ugranarasimha Gramasimha Babaji with the chant
Oh lord devourer of my soul, here I stand. Be mindful of me.
Babaji will appear in the form of a spotted owlet. Feed the Babaji owlet a drop of your blood from your left ring finger. When Babaji flies away, light a candle and place it on your forehead as you lie down and look upon the full moon. If you have followed these steps without flaw, we will have heard your message. We will get back to you over e-mail.
