DEUTSCH

Department of Aghori-Human Interfaces

Aghori saints are practitioners of unspeakable professions, which can trigger a plethora of emotions in decent humans, mostly disgust and fear. As a result, humans have ostracised the aghora species long ago; and the latter have been living in marshes, swamps, bogs, onion farms, dumpyards, molehills, and mountains all over the world. The occasional interaction between an aghori and a human always ends in decapitation and subsequent death and/or vomiting, one way or the other. Our goal at DAHI is to promote peaceful, diplomatic, and friendly means by which the aghori can behead the formerly unwilling human. At DAHI, we encourage Aghori-Human communication through posters, websites, talks, and dark invocations. Apart from these more traditional methods, we also develop cutting-edge tools such as dynamic IQ adjustment, human-aghori hybridisation, rationality diminution, brain smoothening, and targeted remote amnesia.

Our department has been instrumental in communicating key Aghori ideas to the human population, and has resulted in the exceeding popularity of Ugranarasimha Gramasimha Babaji. Babaji is the first aghora in the history of the world to have dedicated Worship Circles in various countries. We have also worked in collaboration with Prof. Dr. Ugranarasimha Gramasimha Babaji to expose charlatans like Mr. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, an alleged human being with the intellectual prowess of a boiled egg.

How to promote Aghori-Human diplomatic relations

There are several steps humans can follow to promote healthy relations between Aghoras and humans:

• Interact more often with Aghoris.
• Stipulate that your funereal proceedings occur in an aghori-infested area.
• If you suddenly find yourself, after your death, reanimated and bound to follow the orders of a necromancer, try to look at the bright side of the situation.

Team

Prof. Dr. Baba Jusgaanji · Group leader

Baba Jusgaanji is a powerful and very unlucky ascetic whose life is a tragedy. Jusgaanji was formerly an explorer named Bobby Jürgen. Once upon a time, Bobby was exploring the marshes of a river, when a geyser erupted and ejected Ugranarasimha Babaji before him. UG Babaji then hypnotised Bobby Jürgen, and immediately erased his memories, intellect, and normalcy. For good measure, UG Babaji also smeared Bobby Jürgen with ash, and bestowed upon him the name Baba Jusgaanji. Baba Jusgaanji then lived tragically ever after.

Initially, Baba Jusgaanji's brilliance was overshadowed by the egregious Baba Mastaanji, an aghori who served as UG Babaji's deputy. Although UG Babaji used Baba Jusgaanji often to compensate for Mastaanji's many grievous errors, the title of UG Babaji's foremost disciple never left Baba Mastaanji. However, one fine day, Mastaanji was sacrificed brutally in the Kumbh Mela of 2021, allowing Prof. Baba Jusgaanji to claim his rightful post as UG Babaji's right hand man.

Baba Jusgaanji's goal in life is to do unto all humans what was done unto him. Therefore, Jusgaanji and his team, develop terrifying methods to emerge from numerous miscellaneous sources and bridge the defensive chasm that separates humans from aghoris. Baba Jusgaanji aims to eventually transform all humans into aghoris, and thus gain UG Babaji's favour.

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Master Finky Maasther · Pot

Finky Maasther was an instructor of pot-painting at the Shri Shashidhar Shanimurthy Smaranachitrana School, Shikharipur, Shivamogga (SSSSSSS). His unprecedented illiteracy, bad temper, and abysmal painting abilities earned him an early dismissal from the SSSSSSS. He then worked briefly as a vegetable identifier, before being shown the door for repeatedly confusing beetroots with radishes.

In search of a rare brown hue to paint an earthen pot and thereby regain his former glory, Finky started frequenting deep treacherous bogs. One such morning, Baba Jusgaanji emerged from the depths and enslaved Finky.

Finky Maasther now fills many indispensable roles at the institute. For instance, he is a commonly used projectile for target practice by our numerous barbarian staff members. In our introductory necromancy course, he is instrumental in the laboratory. He spends extended periods of time in Lord Bolton's dungeons. Further, when UG Babaji is filled with the insatiable desire to paint pots, he summons Master Finky Maasther to paint him instead.

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Mr. Random Undergrad · Typesetting Specialist

Mr. Random was an Undergrad at the Institute of Indian Science, where he specialised in CV design. He was and remains exceptionally skilled in typesetting and formatting documents and websites. He is a prodigious programmer, and is the Mozart of delivering computers at service stations. One day, he visited the mysterious bathroom of his dormitory for an unknown reason. Here, he tried to investigate the curse of the non-functional plumbing, where water refused to flow. It was during this fateful moment that Baba Jusgaanji dripped from a pipe and telepathically invaded his brain.

Baba Jusgaanji's tampering led to a transformation in Random Undergrad's appearance, which is now that of the silhouette of a pair of glasses suspended from a levitating fedora on an invisible background. He has also gained severe aghori tendencies, including but not limited to living in swamps, beheading creatures with heads, and triggering disgust in human passers-by. He was castrated by Lord Ramsay Bolton to encourage him to make a few constructive edits in Lord Bolton's section of this website.

Mr. Undergrad is Baba Jusgaanji's IT team. He handwrites e-mails, books, misleading online advertisements, receipts, and other manners of text typeset in a computerised font. This is because Baba Jusgaanji can only read hand-written text. In his free time, Random Undergrad reads hand-written facebook posts by Jusgaanji and transcribes them online. He also formats the thousands of posters and articles published by UG Babaji and his disciples. This website is also maintained by him.

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